I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
