i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
