I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
