why didn't you poke me back
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
