i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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