Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
