So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
whose parrot is this?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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