so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
