Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
