I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
