You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
