remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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