By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
