Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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