there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
