Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
