I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
