I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Im part way to drunk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
