I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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