oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
