Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
