just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
