i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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