your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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