All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
