You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
