You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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