Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
