I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
