remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
