She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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