Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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