she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
