I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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