I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
