Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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