...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
