I forgot how hot balto sounded
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
