I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
