Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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