I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
only you would photoshop your dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
