She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
