Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You're like the curious george of whores
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
