We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
