i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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