about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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