it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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