he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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