how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
