so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
